I'm at the beginning stages of the adoption process, which means I did a bunch of research into various adoption options (international, domestic, lawyer, foster/adopt) and I landed on a domestic adoption agency that I really like a whole lot called Independent Adoption Center. Contracts have been signed. Fees are being paid (thanks to you!). It's on.
So far, however, the child part of the adoption is still a faraway dream state that seems entirely unrelated. So far, I'm elbow deep in paperwork and errand-y things, because I am in the full upskirt part of the process, which means a very bright light is being shone on every single heretofore private part of my life. I have had to prove a lot of things, including:
I was born
I was married
I was divorced
I have fingerprints
I have a job
I have health insurance
I do not have tuberculosis
Or major mental health problems
Or anything else that would be problematic, health-wise
Or a criminal record
Or a driving record
Nor did I do anything bad or questionable while I lived in New York
Or really at any point since I have been alive
Additionally:
Several people think I'm parent material and willingly committed that belief to paper
I have recounted my entire life in prose, both long form and Q and A style
I bonded for two days in a conference room with other adoptive-parents-to-be
I will let someone approve the child-worthiness of my home (once I've scrubbed every surface twice)
Right now I am wrestling with the "dear birthparent" letter, which is essentially a brochure about me, and why I'm so terrific and therefore the right person for a birth mom to place her child with. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to write, and feels like a ridiculously sincere online dating profile. I'm trying to give it a little jujsh, but there's very little room for the sharper edges of my personality. And to be fair, this is not the time to try and make a stranger laugh. This is an honest moment, and it deserves my unabashed, clear-eyed desire to parent to be front and center. Of everything I'm doing at the moment, this is the most obviously connected to becoming a parent, which may also be why it's so hard. But as I wrote in my letter, the things most worth doing in life are the ones that aren't easy. Now if you'll please excuse me, I need to go wash my ceilings.
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