Thursday, April 10, 2014

Calm Before The Storm

There was a huge blur of activity when I started fundraising for my adoption, what with the paperwork and background checks I had to do for the agency, a successful home study during which my prone-to-weirdness dog did not act weird at all (extra treats and hugs for that), and a lot of facebook posts. Your generosity has helped me get incredibly close to my initial goal, and I'm so very, very grateful. (There's a link below if you still want to donate.)

Right now what's happening a lot is people are asking, "So - what's going on with the adoption?" which is a totally fair question, since most of them are donors, and have basically paid for the baby's left pinkie toe, or right lung. My dad asked it in the funniest way: "So, where are you in line?" (I picture an assembly line of babies coming down a conveyor belt and a waiting queue of adoptive parents.)

What's happening is this: the To Do list activity has died down to a low background hum. I have a few more things to complete before I go 'live,' which is when I become visible to potential birth mothers with both a glossy brochure and a webpage for them to peruse. I'm sort of guessing that's going to happen in the late May/early June time range, and that's when the real waiting begins. The average wait time for a single woman is 15 months, but really, it could be anywhere from 3 months to 3 years.

I retain my sanity by hanging out with my almost 3 year-old twin nephews, who are a constant source of amusement and fun. My brother and sister-in-law are already plying me with hand-me-down swings and baby monitors, which one of my nephews solemnly showed me last time I was over, explaining, "You can have this for the baby," and then asking, "When is the baby coming?" (get in line with that question, kiddo.) Not to be outdone, my other nephew began handing me random household items (cushion, broom), "For the baby."

Over the years I've knit many baby blankets for friends and family; now I am knitting for my own not-yet baby, blankets and hats and sweaters, all in gender neutral colors (and may I say, knitting books are rife with gendered language and color coding: "Congratulations! It's a girl! Break out the pink yarn to knit a layette as sweet as she is"). I permit myself moments of fantasizing about holding my not-yet baby, and then I pack that thought away with each knitted piece and refocus on my physics homework. I walk around with a tinge of fear that this whole thing isn't going to work out. I try to remember that just like earthquakes, it's not a matter of if, but when.

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